*Sigh*...

I feel a little... deflated today. I had an appoitment at the eye hospital again. It's an ongoing battle and I suffer a lot with it, but I don't mention it too much on here because... well, let's face it, it would be pretty boring to read...

Anyway, my left eye especially keeps causing me problems (eye lid sticks to eye surface (cornea) while I sleep, and occasionally in the day time too, and rips part of it off. V-E-R-Y painful and lots of sideeffects etc). The result of todays appointment is that they recommend another operation. *sigh* They said I should go home and think about it. In either case I won't do it before Christmas (due to recovery etc) but I can't help thinking that some time in 2011, sooner or later, it's operation time again. And earlier if my pain attacks become more frequent...

An operation I really don't want to have. Not even think about. It's... terrible. And the recovery is... even worse. I've said before, that I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Which is true. It's also true that I can't find words enough to describe the pain of the recovery. But then again the pain of the frequent attacks is severly bad as it is...

So I feel a little (lot) deflated today. I'd hoped there would be no more eye operations now that both eyes have been done. Not so it seems. *sigh* Plus it takes about 6 months (!) for my sight to recover afterwards... Not to mention that I won't even be allowed to use water (and nothing else) on my face without boiling it first, I'll have to give up the gym/swimming and I won't even be allowed to wash my own hair...

I try my best not to think about these things. To take my millions of eyedrops per day (well, like 10-ish), my antibiotics etc and just get on with it. But then on days like this you kinda get reminded. Reminded that the doctors can't say what will happen, they don't know how to cure it (only how to treat it and try and keep it managable). And most of my questions get answered with "we really can't say, it's different from person to person, it's impossible to know etc".

If I think about it too much I will panic, freak out and get sad. So I avoid that. But today, no matter how hard I try, I can't help feeling a little tiny bit sorry for myself (I know I shouldn't). So tomorrow I'm going to try and have fun. Just for me. Maybe do some scrapping. Maybe play with some Copic colouring. Lots of greens and glitter would be good...

Thanks for reading!

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